Feeling so vexed and upset....

No words that best describe my current feeling now..feeling so lethargic, vexed and unhappy...had a dispute with someone earlier on..i used to respect her and find that she was a nice person. Most importantly, she is helpful and caring towards her family and brother. Yet she is forcing me to accept someone whom i am very unhappy with..whom have said very nasty and hurtful words to me in few incidents..this can never change my view or thoughts of her...but then this person who i respect a lot came to sms me and kept wanting to make me change my views on her and wanted me to accept her etc..why she just can't see things from my point of view or try to think in my shoes? She is not me, she does not go through what i have went through...yet she just don't get me and even said some words that makes me felt so unhappy and hurt. I will never talk to her again.

Are they trying to force me into making a painful decision that i do not wish to make? Do i have to go into such extend that she can leave me alone? Is this the kind of ending that she wanted to see??? What good does it do to her??? Why always love to side her?

I hate you guys and i simply do not wish to see you all again..

Rayden and the wonderful husband :)

Rayden is 10 days old as of today :) He is growing and eating well..he can be a little cranky and impatient at times especially during breastfeeding time...at times i still had a hard time latching him on and needed to stop his hands from moving around and to ease his hunger at the same time..he will also be very impatient when he latch on..as such, he always have to be scolded by me during breastfeeding..lolz...but still i hope that as time goes by he will learn day by day and able to latch on well..now that he is sleeping, that gaves me the chance to relax a little to blog here...i just wanna blog about his daddy today so that when he grew up he will know that he has a great daddy and his mummy has a great and wonderful husband :) I could vividly remembered that when i first met dear at devils bar..although it was through his friend that i got to know him..but we didn't really contact much after he told me that he is not keen for a relationship at that time..i was kind of disappointed and stopped contacting him for almost 5 years..time really flies..after going one big round for 5 years..i sent a sms wrongly to him instead of my friend..his reply was very fast and even asked who am i..i hesitated for awhile before replying him and i was surprised that he could still remembered me and my address...then we started exchanging few messages and met up on one Sat night...he drove me to East Coast park and we were strolling and chatting happily before we sat down at Mac Donald to continue our chat till 4plus then he sent me home..upon reaching home, we were still chatting on the phone till 6am then we hang up..the next day he asked me out again to accompany him to watch soccer with his friends..but soccer was always not my cup of tea but my friend asked me to go and get to know him more.so i went..he came to fetch me at around 9pm and stayed till 11plus then he sent me home but throughout the whole soccer match i was chatting with my friend because it was just too bored for me..lolz..then on our 3rd meetup, he started to asked me to be his gf..and thus we became an item :) Being together for a year, we got married and have our first baby Rayden..throughout my whole pregnancy, he was very supportive and caring towards me..everyday sending me to and fro from work and home..every morning, he will go buy breakfast for me to eat..at night before i sleep, he will either make milk or milo for me to drink or at times buy food for me to eat. Whenever i request for something, his answer is always YES...he will never say NO to me...which makes me felt very touched and happy that i married the right man...the man who will always be by my side whenever i needed him most..i am sure he will also treat Rayden the same way he treated me...Rayden will defintely be proud to have him as his daddy :) Even when my sisters needed his help to ferry them around for doing glasses, collection of contact lens, learning how to wear contact lens etc, he will always be very willing to help them...Liwen say he like him a lot cos he is a great brother-in-law...she said that i am so lucky to have such a nice husband who never reject me for anything that i asked for...i will cherish him and Rayden..hope that our new flat be completed real soon so that the three of us can have our own nest and live happily together :)

Finally, Baby Rayden has arrived :)

Was supposed to go for my next checkup on 6th April 2011..however Rayden do not wish to wait for next checkup..he is too eager to see his mummy and daddy..he arrived on 1st April :)...we are so anxious and find it too sudden for us..we wasn't prepared for his sudden arrival even though i have been telling him to arrive on 8th April 2011...lolz..now i am doing my confinement at home..everyday spending time with Rayden is a wonderful and joyous thing for me :) It was a nice sunny day on 1st April..i woke up as usual at 11.45am..trying to bath and then go meet dear downstairs to go tabao for vegetarian beehoon for our lunch...but who knows after my bath, i saw blood drifting down my legs..was so scared and at the same time worried..thinking what happen...so ask dear to rush me to see Dr Koh..reached there around 12noon and i asked to see him asap due to emergency case..the stupid nurse was so lousy, there was a couple who also requested to see Dr Koh urgently..and claimed that they have called up Dr Koh and informed him about it..yet the nurse still in front of them ask me whether can i let them go in and see first..i was very pissed off..dear too..we just say we are also emergency case...we almost quarrel with them..but end up they went in first..after that is our turn..i was very angry and complained to Dr Koh about his nurse poor arrangement of Q. Then Dr Koh apologised and at the same time explained to us why he see them first as they need his letter to rush to airport because they need to fly back to Malaysia to see their mum as she might not make it for that day..then we cool down abit..i tell Dr Koh about the bleeding and he do a check for me..then tell me congrats..i am already 3cm diluted and baby is arriving today before midnight...then he say ask me to wait for him upstairs so that he can rupture my water bag for me so that i can head straight to hospital. I headed upstairs and my heart was pounding extremely fast..inside my heart i was thinking oh baby Rayden is coming and i am kind of startled and worried about the delivery process and at the same time i was very happy and delighted too...it was kind of mixed feelings, dear cannot go up with me to wait, he has to wait downstairs to me..while waiting for Dr Koh, i called home to inform mum and sister, then called to inform Evonne..after that i called Jamie and Edna..telling them about it and how worried and scared i am feeling right now..i also sms dear dear and tell him..he comfort me and tell me he is there supporting me asking me not to worry..say that he is happy as we can see Rayden soon...i try to calm myself down and relaxed..then came Dr Koh and ask me to lie down while he rupture the waterbag..then i had to wear the diaper and went to eat mixed vegetables rice before rushing to hospital..mummy fry the wu xiang for me and we drove home to collect it and i ate in the car while we head back to SK to get our delivery bag before heading to hospital :) We reached Mt Alvernia hospital around 2plus..then i change and register and lie on the bed in the delivery suite..at that time i am 4cm diluted..till 3plus Dr Koh and the midwife came in to check on me..i am still 4cm diluted..so they induced me..the pain was getting more and more intense..i was trying to endure it till 5plus when they check on me i am only 5cm diluted..they said that because of the intense pain that i am trying to endure, i cannot relaxed and thus the dilation is slow..so dear persuade me to take epidural..after much consideration and in order to see Rayden faster, i agreed to it..the injection was not that bad as what i expected..after that..around 7plus they say i am already 9cm diluted..8 plus i started to push..push and push till 9plus and Rayden arrived :), during that moment, i felt a sense of satisfaction, relief and happy. I almost wanted to cry out too because it was so nice to see baby Rayden..when the midwife let me carry him..no words could describe my feelings. I know that Evonne, Da Ge, my mum, dad and liwen were all outside waiting for the arrival of Rayden Sim..hehe..i was asked to rest for awhile for them to monitor me before sending me to the ward...dear dear was so tired and hungry..he was there for me throughout the whole delivery process..accompany me in the delivery suite and supporting me...had it not for him..i may not be able to withstand the pain etc...really thanks to dear and i love you :). I was sent to the ward around 10plus and waited till 1am then the nurse sent Rayden in to the ward..i was so happy to see him..hehe..i breastfeed him and after that he was sent back to the nursery. Stayed in the hospital for 2 nights and i was discharged on Sunday :)...returning home with Rayden together. On Monday night, i experience great pains from the wound. I was crying badly and i sms dear about it..he called me immediately and tell me to take pain killer and he rushing back now..after which he tell me to get changed and he take me to MT Alvernia 24hour clinic to see what is wrong...end up we were lucky to see Dr Koh there and he told the nurse that i am his patient and he would like to attend to me immediately..after checking, Dr Koh told me that my wounds has got infection..told me to soak daily in a tub of salt water for 2 weeks, twice daily and he gave me antibiotics and pain killers..then we went home..dear dear immediately make milo for me to drink and take my medicine..then he prepared the bath tub and put warm water and salt and helped me to the toilet to soak and he was standing outside the toilet waiting for me for that whole 20 mins of soaking..i was very touched..if not for him..i don't know what to do..the support from him was really a relieved to me...now i still experience the pain and i hope it goes off asap.. On Tuesday, i tried to latch Rayden but he just don't know how to latch on..i was so upset and worried..worried that i will not be able to breastfeed him..i felt demoralised and sad.i talked to dear and he was so nice, caring and understanding and most importantly, supportive..he console me and tell me not to worry, we will see what ways to guide him to latch on...i called up Mt Alvernia to check from the parentcraft dept and made an appointment to see him together with dear, Rayden and Liwen. Ms Wang then teach me how to breastfeed Rayden and also guide Rayden to latch on..after 1 hour plus, Rayden was finally able to latch on..i was so happy and relieved... Throughout all these issues, i am really happy and glad that i had a supportive and caring husband who treats me so well and was always there for me when i needed him the most and i am sure he will be a good daddy as well :)